When the person you trusted most is the one who hurt you.

Some discoveries split life into before and after. You find messages you were never meant to see. You learn about an affair, hidden debt, or a second life. Or, slowly, you realize that a partner, spouse, or family member has been lying to you for a long time and telling you that you were imagining things.

Betrayal by someone close can shake more than the relationship. It can make you question your memory, your judgment, and your sense of who you are. Many people describe feeling numb one moment and flooded the next, unable to sleep, replaying details, and unsure whom to tell.

Jami Saperstein, LPC (Virginia #0701014656), LMHC (Florida #MH19185), works online with adults across Virginia who are coping with betrayal, especially when it has happened inside a narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationship. Sessions are individual. You do not need to have decided whether to stay or leave.

What betrayal trauma is.

Betrayal trauma describes the distress that can follow when someone you depend on for love, safety, or stability breaks that trust in a serious way. Because the relationship matters so much, the hurt can reach deeper than a single painful event. Your mind may try to protect the attachment by minimizing what happened, while another part of you knows something is very wrong.

Betrayal can take many forms, including:

  • Infidelity or an emotional affair that you discover or that is disclosed to you.
  • Long-term deception, such as hidden spending, debt, secret accounts, or a concealed relationship.
  • Repeated lying followed by denial, where you are told you are paranoid or overreacting.
  • Betrayal by a parent or family member, such as broken confidences or siding against you in ways that leave you alone.

Signs you may be living with betrayal trauma.

  • Intrusive images and replaying. You keep going over messages, dates, and conversations.
  • Hypervigilance. You check phones, accounts, or locations, or feel on edge waiting for the next discovery.
  • Self-doubt. You wonder how you missed it, or whether you can trust your own perceptions.
  • Strong swings in emotion. Rage, grief, numbness, and longing can show up in the same day.
  • Shame and isolation. You keep it secret to protect the family, the other person, or your own privacy.
  • Physical stress. Sleep, appetite, focus, and energy may all be affected.

These are common reactions to a serious injury to trust, not signs that you are overreacting. You can read more about how your body remembers trauma.

Why betrayal in an abusive relationship is so hard to heal.

When betrayal happens alongside emotional abuse or narcissistic patterns, discovery is often followed by more harm. You may hear denial, blame, or a story that turns the focus onto your reaction. Apologies may come with pressure to move on quickly. Over time, that cycle can create a trauma bond, where the person who hurt you is also the one you look to for reassurance.

Repeated gaslighting can leave you unsure what is real, which makes it hard to grieve, set limits, or make decisions. Therapy offers a place where your experience is taken seriously and where you can sort out what happened without being argued with.

How Jami helps.

Narcissistic and emotional abuse recovery is Jami's specialty, and she is a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician. Her style is warm, direct, and collaborative. Her focus is helping you feel steadier and clearer, rather than pushing you toward any particular outcome for the relationship.

Depending on what fits you, sessions may draw on:

  • Trauma-informed therapy that moves at your pace and makes sense of shock, hypervigilance, and shutdown.
  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to work with self-blame, obsessive replaying, and all-or-nothing thinking.
  • Somatic approaches and grounding skills to help your body settle when a reminder sends you back into the moment of discovery.
  • Attachment-based and relational work to understand how this betrayal connects with earlier experiences of trust.

Together, you can rebuild trust in your own perceptions, decide what you need to feel safe, set boundaries around disclosure and contact, and prepare for hard conversations or decisions. If you and your partner later want to work on the relationship together, Jami also offers couples therapy and infidelity counseling. Individual work is often the right place to start, especially when there is ongoing intimidation, fear, or emotional abuse.

What this therapy is, and what it is not.

Betrayal trauma therapy is individual counseling for the person who was betrayed. It is not legal or financial advice and does not involve contacting the other person. If divorce is on the table, Jami can support you emotionally alongside your attorney. See support for divorcing a narcissist in Northern Virginia.

Online sessions from anywhere in Virginia.

Jami Saperstein, LPC (Virginia #0701014656), LMHC (Florida #MH19185), works online with adults across Virginia. Sessions are held by secure video on Zoom, and there is no Virginia office. You will need a steady internet connection, a phone, tablet, or computer with a camera, and a private space where you can speak without being overheard. Because of licensing rules, you need to be physically located in Virginia or Florida at the time of each session.

Before your first session, you will receive a secure link to complete intake forms through SimplePractice. Individual sessions are 50–55 minutes.

Adults across Virginia.

Jami works with adults in Northern Virginia, including McLean, Great Falls, Vienna and Oakton, Reston, Fairfax and Fairfax Station, Alexandria, Arlington and Falls Church, and Loudoun County. She also works with adults in Richmond, Short Pump and Goochland, Charlottesville, and everywhere else in the state. See online therapy in Virginia for more about virtual care across Virginia.

Related support in Virginia.

Fees, insurance, and cancellations.

  • Self-pay: $175 per session.
  • Insurance: Jami is in network with UnitedHealthcare, Cigna, and Aetna. Coverage and copays vary by plan, so check your behavioral health benefits with your insurer before your first session.
  • Out-of-network plans: a superbill is available so you can submit sessions to your insurer for possible reimbursement. What you get back depends on your plan.
  • Cancellations: please give at least 24 hours' notice to cancel or reschedule. Late cancellations and no-shows are charged the full session fee.

See fees & insurance.